A Woman Caught

When the news first broke that the leader of our organization had sexually assaulted over 30 women, I felt relief.  Finally, some concrete evidence of abuse.  I had experienced panic attacks and depression for years, all symptoms of trauma; but for me and many people, I was still blind to it and confused by the effects I felt.  Now, I had real evidence that the system was rotten: the leader was rotten.  The abuse was real.  And I felt less crazy.   

As I read the women’s stories, my stomach clenched.  The anger rose with my nausea.  My gut nodded in agreement, fully understanding how he groomed them, and their mental struggles now that it was over.  He groomed those women for abuse and his teaching left the rest of us susceptible and defenseless to similar abuse.  Every single one of us had been used for his own advancement and popularity. 

He was the voice of true wisdom and godliness, so I confused God’s voice and his.  His/God’s voice said that God abuses for the advancement of his cause.  Anything that goes wrong is my fault.  Abuse is my fault because I wasn’t following God’s rules.  I deserve mistreatment because of my sin.

As I was reading in John 8 the account of the woman caught in adultery, something resonated with me.  Here was a woman who was publicly humiliated because of sin.  Her shame and guilt were probably overwhelming and she feared for her life.  I don’t know how she wasn’t throwing up and convulsing in the middle of all of that.  I would’ve been.  I have for less. 

The religious leaders took advantage of her shame and humiliated her further for their own purposes.  They were not seeking justice or reconciliation; they planned to corner Jesus into discrediting himself publicly.  I can see the headlines: “The ‘Friend of Sinners’ Stones the Adulterous Woman.” This was not about the woman; this was about their jealousy and their own guilty consciences. 

We know how the story goes.  Jesus writes in the sand.  He tells anyone who is pure and sinless to go ahead and stone her (my translation).  No one is, so they all leave quietly.  Jesus could’ve justly stoned her himself.  But, he offers her redemption.  He says he doesn’t condemn or accuse her, but to go live free without the burden of such sin. 

Jesus says that to me and to all of us who have been used.  Instead of making us fully experience the effects of our own sin and shame, he did.  Jesus hung humiliated and naked on the cross for me.  He took the abuse and died for it.  So, just like the woman curled up, dirtied by the road and awaiting an awful death, Jesus comes to me and sets me free. 

This is the opposite of what the organization’s leader did.  He shamed me and used me to cover up his own sin.  He declared me guilty of his sin.  Jesus instead, declares himself guilty of my sin, uncovers himself and gives me his freedom and status.